36

 

Then it came to me. This guy was one of the space aliens. That’s why he hadn’t felt the bullet.

I got up and backed against the wall.

“I got your number, Billy!” I yelled.

He stopped. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

“You’re a space alien!”

Cindy laughed. “I told you this guy was a nut!”

I looked at Cindy. “This guy is nothing but a snake-like thing with fur and one big eye. He’s hiding in what appears to be a human body, but it’s a mirage.”

Billy just stood there looking at me.

“Where’d you meet this guy, Cindy?” I asked.

“At a bar. But I don’t believe your shit. He’s no space alien.”

“Ask him.”

Cindy laughed again. “O.k., Billy, are you a space alien?”

“Huh?” he answered.

“You see, you see!” I told Cindy.

Billy looked at her. “You gonna believe this nut?”

“Of course not, Billy. Now, go ahead, finish him off!”

“O.k., baby…”

Billy moved toward me. Then there was a flash of purple light in the room and Jeannie Nitro stood there.

“Jeannie,” said Billy, “I…”

“Shut up, you bastard!” said Jeannie.

“What the hell’s going on here?” Cindy asked, starting to get dressed. Billy was still balls-ass naked.

“You bastard,” said Jeannie, “I told you that there would be no fraternizing with the humans!”

“Baby, I couldn’t help myself, I got the hots. I was sitting in a bar one night and this number walked in.”

“Yours orders were No Sex with the Earthlings!”

“Jeannie, you know that you’re the one for me. It’s just that you’ve been busy and all…”

“You’ve had it, Billy!” She pointed her right hand toward him.

“No, Jeannie, no!”

There was a purple flash and instantly Billy was turned into a furry snake with one moist eye and began wriggling rapidly across the floor. Once again Jeannie’s right hand pointed at him, there was another flash and a roar and then Billy the space alien was gone.

“I can’t believe what I’ve seen!” said Cindy.

“Yeah,” I said, “I know.”

Then Jeannie looked at me. “Don’t forget, Belane, you’ve been selected for the Cause, the Cause of Zaros.”

“Yeah,” I said, “I can’t forget.”

Then there was a third flash of light and Jeannie was gone.

Cindy was now fully dressed but still in a state of shock.

“I can’t believe what I’ve seen here.”

“Baby, Jack hired me to clean up your mess and that’s what I’ve done.”

“I’ve got to get out of here!” she said.

“You do that. And don’t forget what I’ve got on this camcorder here. You stay in line or I turn it over to Jack.”

“All right,” she sighed, “you win.”

“I’m the greatest dick in L.A. You gotta know that now.”

“Look, Belane, I’ve got something I can give you for that camcorder.”

“Huh?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, no, Cindy, you can’t buy me. Nice try, though.”

“Well, screw you, fat boy!” she said. She turned and walked toward the door. I watched those unbelievable haunches moving.

“Cindy!” I said, “wait a minute!”

She turned, smiling. “Yes?”

“Never mind. Go ahead…”

Then she was out the door.

I walked into the bathroom and relieved myself and I don’t mean I had a bowel movement. But I was a true professional. Another case solved.