The next day at the office I put my feet up on my desk and lit a good cigar. I considered myself a success. I had solved a case. I had lost two clients but I had solved a case. But the slate wasn’t clean. There was still the Red Sparrow. And the Jack Bass matter with Cindy. And there was still Hal Grovers and that space alien, Jeannie Nitro. My thoughts jumped between Cindy Bass and Jeannie Nitro. It was pleasant thinking. Anyhow, it beat sitting in a duck blind waiting for them to fly over.
I got to thinking about solutions in life. People who solved things usually had lots of persistence and some good luck. If you persisted long enough, the good luck usually came. Most people couldn’t wait on the luck, though, so they quit. Not Belane. No candyass, he. Top flight. Game. A bit lazy, perhaps. But crafty.
I pulled open the top right hand drawer, found the vodka and allowed myself a hit. A drink to victory. The winner writes the history books, is surrounded by the lovely virgins…
The phone rang. I picked it up. “Belane, here.”
“You haven’t seen the last of me,” the Lady said. It was Lady Death.
“Look, baby, can’t we cut a deal?”
“It’s never been done, Belane.”
“Let’s break precedent, let’s give it a shot, Lady.”
“No dice, Belane.”
“Well, O.k., but how about giving me a date, you know, a D.O.D.?”
“What’s that?”
“Date of Demise.”
“What good would that do?”
“Lady, I could prepare myself.”
“Every human should anyhow, Belane.”
“Lady, they don’t, they forget it, they ignore it or they’re just too stupid to think about it.”
“That doesn’t concern me, Belane.”
“What concerns you, Lady?”
“My job.”
“Me too, Lady, my job concerns me.”
“Well, good for you, fat boy. This call was just to let you know that I haven’t forgotten you…”
“Ah, thanks so much, Lady, you’ve really cheered up my day.”
“See you later, Belane…”
She hung up.
There’s always somebody about to ruin your day, if not your life. I put out my cigar, put on my derby, went to the door, locked it, walked to the elevator and took it down. Out on the street I just stood there watching them walk around. My gut began to turn and I walked half a block down to a bar, The Eclipse, walked in, took a stool. I had to think. I had cases to solve and I didn’t know where to begin. I ordered a whiskey sour with beer chaser. Actually, I felt like laying down somewhere and sleeping for a couple of weeks. The game was getting to me. At one time there had been some excitement. Not much, but some. You don’t want to hear it. Married three times, divorced three times. Born and ready to die. Nothing to do but try to solve cases nobody else would touch. Not for my fee.
Guy at the end of the bar kept looking at me. I could feel him looking. The place was empty except for me, him, the barkeep. I finished my drink and called the bartender over for another. All he had was a lot of hair on his face.
“Same thing, huh?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said, “only stronger.”
“For the same price?” he asked.
“Whatever is possible,” I answered.
“What’s that mean?”
“You don’t know, barkeep?”
“Naw…”
“Well, while you’re making my drink, think about it.”
He walked off.
The guy at the end caught my eye, waved, yelled, “How ya doin’, Eddie?”
“I’m not Eddie,” I told him.
“You look like Eddie,” he said.
“I don’t give a fuck if I look like Eddie or not,” I answered.
“You lookin’ for trouble?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said, “you gonna bring it?”
The barkeep brought my drink, took some of the money I’d left on the bar, said, “I don’t think you’re a nice man.”
“Who told you you could think?” I asked.
“I don’t have to serve you,” he said.
“You don’t want the money, I’ll keep it.”
“I don’t want it that bad….”
“How bad do you want it, tell me…”
“DON’T SERVE HIM NO MORE!” yelled the guy at the end of the bar.
“One more word out of you and I’m gonna stick my foot up your ass! They’ll be sucking red bubbles out of your cheeks with a rubber tube.”
The guy just smiled a weak smile. The bartender was still standing there.
“Look,” I said to him, “I just walked in here for a quiet, peaceful drink and everybody starts to give me a lot of crap! By the way, have you seen the Red Sparrow?”
“The Red Sparrow? What’s that?”
“You’ll know it when you see it. Hell, never mind…”
I finished my drink and got out of there. It was better on the street. I just walked along. Something had to give and it wasn’t going to be me. I began counting each fool that passed me. I got up to 50 in two-and-one-half-minutes, then stepped into the next bar.