I couldn’t sleep that night. I drank beer, I drank wine, I drank vodka, all to no avail.
I hadn’t solved anything. All my cases were dormant. My father had told me that I would be a failure. He was a failure also. Bad seed.
I flipped on the tv. I had one in the bedroom. A young woman came on and told me that she would talk to me, make me feel good. All I needed was a credit card. I decided against it. Then the woman’s face vanished from the screen and it was Jeannie Nitro’s face.
“Belane,” she said, “I don’t want you messing in my affairs.”
“What?” I said.
She repeated the sentence and I switched the tv off. I poured another vodka, straight. I switched out the lights and sat in bed in the dark. I took a hit of the vodka.
Then there was a large buzzing sound like a cloud of bees circling a disturbed hive. Then there was a flash of purple light and Jeannie Nitro stood there. It scared the hell out of me.
“Scare you, Belane?” she asked.
“Hell no,” I answered, “don’t you have any manners? Don’t you knock before you enter?”
Jeannie Nitro looked about the room.
“You need a maid,” she told me, “this place is filthy.”
I drained my vodka, tossed the glass to one side.
“Never mind that, I’m going to nail your ass.”
“As a detective, you lack three things.”
“Like?”
“Drive, direction and detection.”
“Yeah? Well, I’m on to your game, baby.”
“Is that so?”
“You’re sucking up to Grovers because he’s a mortician and because you want to use his dead bodies to house your alien friends in.”
She sat down in a chair, found one of my cigarettes, lit it and laughed.
“Do I look like I’m in a dead body?”
“Not exactly.”
“We can create our own bodies. Watch!”
Again there was the buzzing sound, a flash of purple light and over in the corner of the room appeared another Jeannie Nitro. She was standing by my potted plant.
“Hello, Belane,” she said.
“Hello, Belane,” said the Jeannie Nitro sitting in the chair.
“Hey,” I said, “can you be in two bodies at the same time?”
“No,” said the Jeannie Nitro sitting in the chair. “But,” said the Jeannie Nitro standing by the potted plant, “we can leap from one body to another.”
I climbed out of bed to pick up my glass and pour another vodka.
“You sleep in your shorts,” said one Jeannie Nitro.
“Disgusting,” said the other.
I got back into bed with my drink and propped myself up against a pillow.
There was another sound of buzzing, a flash of purple light and the Jeannie by the potted plant was gone. I looked at the one in the chair.
“Look,” I said, “Grovers hired me to get you off his ass and that’s just what I intend to do.”
“You talk big for a man whose talents hover near the zero mark.”
“Yeah? Well, I’ve cracked tougher cases than yours!”
“Really? Tell me about one of them.”
“All my back files are confidential.”
“Confidential or non-existent?”
“Don’t get me pissed, Jeannie or I’ll…”
“You’ll what?”
“I’ll…” I lifted the vodka toward my mouth. Suddenly my hand froze two inches from my lips. I couldn’t move.
“You’re 3rd rate, Belane. Don’t play with me. And I’m being kind now. Feel lucky.”
Feel lucky? That was the second time I had heard that within 12 hours.
There was the buzz, the flash of purple and Jeannie Nitro was gone.
I sat there in bed, unable to move, the glass still two inches from my lips. I sat and waited. I had time to muse over my career. There wasn’t much to muse about. Maybe I was in the wrong profession. But it was too late to start anything else.
I just sat there and waited. In about ten minutes there was a tingling all over my body. I was able to move my hand just a little. Then a little more. I put the vodka to my lips, managed to tilt my head and I drained the glass. I tossed it to the floor, stretched out in bed and waited once more for sleep. I heard the sound of gunfire outside and realized that everything was all right with the world. In five minutes I was asleep along with everybody else.