I was in the office. I think it was a Wednesday. There were no new cases. I was still on the Red Sparrow caper, mulling it over, sorting out my moves. The only move I could think of was moving out of town before 25 days were up.
No way. They weren’t going to run my ass out of Hollywood. I was Hollywood, what was left of it.
There was a very polite knock on the door.
“Yeah,” I said, “drag it in.”
The door opened and here was this little fellow, dressed all in black, black shoes, black suit, even a black shirt. Only his necktie was green. Lime green. His gorilla loomed up behind him. Only a gorilla had more brains.
“I’m Johnny Temple,” he said, “and this is my assistant, Luke.”
“Luke, eh? Tell me, what does he do?”
“Whatever I tell him.”
“Why don’t you tell him to leave?”
“What’s the matter, Belane, don’t you like Luke?”
“Do I have to?
Luke took a step forward. His face began to contort, he looked as if he were going to cry.
“You not like me, Belane?” Luke asked.
“Luke, you stay out of this,” said Temple.
“Yeah, stay out of this,” I said.
“You like me, Johnny?” Luke asked.
“Of course, of course! Now, Luke, you go stand in front of the door and don’t let anybody in or out.”
“You too?”
“What do you mean, Luke?”
“I not let you in or out either?”
“No, Luke, you let me in and out. But nobody else. Not until I tell you to.”
“O.k.”
Luke walked over and stood in front of the door.
Temple pulled up a chair, sat down.
“I’m here from Acme Executioners. I’m here to brief you. Our salesman, Harold Sanderson…”
“Salesman? You call that guy a salesman?”
“One of our best.”
“I guess he is,” I admitted, “look at that!”
I pointed to the bird cage hanging in the corner. Inside was the red canary.
“He sold me that,” I said.
“Harry could sell the skin off a dead body,” said Temple.
“He probably has,” I said.
“That’s neither here nor there. We are here to brief you.”
“Go ahead but make it brief.”
“You’re not funny, Belane. We loaned you 4 grand at 15% interest a month. That will be $600. We want to make sure you understand everything before we come to collect.”
“Suppose I don’t have it?”
“We always collect, Mr. Belane, in one way or the other.”
“You break legs, Temple?”
“Our methods vary.”
“Suppose those methods fail. Would you have a man killed for 4 grand and interest?”
Temple pulled out a pack of smokes, tapped one out, lit it with his lighter. Then he slowly inhaled, exhaled.
“You bore me, Belane.”
Then he said, “Luke…”
“Yes, Johnny?”
“See that red bird in the cage?”
“Yes, Johnny.”
“Luke, I want you to walk over there, take that bird out of that cage and I want you to eat it alive.”
“Yes, Johnny.”
Luke started to walk over to the cage.
“JESUS, TEMPLE, STOP HIM! STOP HIM! STOP HIM!” I yelled.
“Luke,” said Temple, “I’ve changed my mind, I don’t want you to eat that bird alive.”
“Should I roast him first, Johnny?”
“No, no, just leave him alone. Go back and stand by the door.”
“Yes, Johnny.”
Temple looked at me.
“You see, Belane, we always have to collect one way or the other. And if one method doesn’t work we move to another. We have to stay in business. We are known all over town. Our reputation is acknowledged everywhere. We can allow nothing or no one to besmirch that reputation. I want you to understand this thoroughly.”
“I think I get it, Temple.”
“Fine. Your first due date comes up in 25 days. You have been briefed.”
Temple stood up, smiled.
“Good day,” he said.
He turned.
“All right, Luke, open the door, we are leaving.”
Luke did that. Temple turned and gave me a last look. He was no longer smiling. Then they were gone.
I walked over to the cage and looked at my red canary. Some of the dye was wearing off, some of the natural yellow was beginning to show through. It was a nice bird. It looked at me and I looked back. Then it made a little bird sound: “cheep!” and somehow that made me feel good. I was easy to please. It was the rest of the world that was the problem.